When the laughs stop

So the horrid beast of depression has taken another wonderful soul..such sadness ..such loss for the loved ones left behind..

I cannot imagine a human who at some point has not felt the cloud of depression like an overcoat of gloom..the sense of never seeing another joyous moment ..or a time when the mind is free from turmoil.

The great tragedy is we know more of the solar system and depths of the ocean than we do our own Psyche..so why is funding for research into this field always in short supply..and I mean worldwide.

I have grown up with a parent whose entire life from adolescence onwards has been a series of deep depressions…psychoses..hospitals..drugs…delusions..misdiagnosis…on and on..

I and my siblings were born into world of confusion and pain..we have fractured relationships with each other..in fact only one sister and I have a loving relationship…mental health has a devastating ripple effect..on all.

I have sat in meetings and consults with teams of Psychiatrists..Psychologists..care givers..Doctors..and honestly..they are offering no different help than when I was 16 and asking why they had given my mother shock treatment…I can tell them more about her condition than they know.

This is not arrogance this is coming from watching as she cycles..manic highs when she becomes rude cruel and paranoid to the low cycle when bang she can be catatonic.

Now imagine HER world..imagine living with this disease that has caused so much pain to her children her parents her siblings..imagine not knowing if one day you will not come back from that world of horror..

The drugs may help..but then that can change…as you age your body chemistry changes and so the levels need adjusting…my sister and i dread when they change mums meds..will she be compliant? will she Dr shop? why is there no register to allow Dr’s to see when she does..

I cannot honestly remember a time I had a proper mum..the moments were fleeting..she could not help this.

Mum has lost giant parts of her memory due to the shock treatments and chemical cocktails she has endured.Sadly this loss of memory has made her easily a target for those in my family that would seek to use her for things I will not go into here.

Yes the ripples run deep..i have a good relationship with my mum when she is well..when she is sick I relate to her on a business level..self preservation kicks in..i have been out on my own since 16 and have learnt to protect myself.

This horrible disease..this beast of a thing has robbed us of a mum,has taken a woman who was a talented painter and left behind a woman who even on anti psychotics has never had a quiet mind ..ever..

Mum hears things she has never told anyone..she fears everything..she is indeed a victim without a physical deformity to show for it..her pain and disease is silent…

I have had my moments..i have had times when I have been pretty low..and it is hard..hard to sometimes be happy in order to make others around you feel better.

I have always had a side to my personality that I know to be darker..the side that sometimes would like to curl up in bed and be left alone..i think all people feel this at times.

I have dealt with the life I was given by turning my sadness and hurt into humour, and yes I have had people say they thought I never had a down moment..or I never had a serious side.

Humour can be an armour..if you make people feel better then maybe you yourself will.

Today a beautiful man who was funny caring and charity minded took his life..his family and friends have probably known this was coming..they would have seen his ‘Dark night of the soul’ but comforting words and a hug are just not enough for some..when the pain fear and dread become all encompassing..when even the hurt you know you will cause by your actions are not enough to keep you in the pain you live with.

All I can say is how truly sad that a man such as Robin Williams..whose sense of fun humour and joy was a gift could not find for himself that same joy.

And I hope he finds the peace that his poor mind could not give him.

So every now and then ask that friend who always smiles always laughs and makes you feel uplifted if they are good..ask them how they are travelling..and listen to what you hear behind the smiles and jokes..

Robin Willaims R.I.P. a true loss of joy and laughter to a world that needs it so badly.


50 thoughts on “When the laughs stop

  1. I’m so sad that you had to go through all that bad times. It’s not easy to heal a wounded soul, we can’t use a plaster strip or a bandage. I was speechless today as I read the sad news about Robin Williams. Think this year I will cry when I watch Merry Friggin Christmas. Farewell Peter Pan….

    • Yep Easy it was such a sad and horrible thing to hear ..to be in such a place so alone even when surrounded by friends..the human mind is not at all well understood.Thankyou my friend..i have always take the chaos and turned it to laughs..we get the hands we are dealt and nothing can change what we have been through..but we can learn from it and try and be aware of others and how they feel..i think this is why my empathy and closeness has always been with animals..they too have little voice πŸ™‚ and yes goodbye Peter Pan ..

  2. We were so saddened to hear of Robins passing last night – it is sadly a heavy price such geniuses pay – I often think back on all the famous artists, writers, creators etc who also suffered severe bouts of depression and ended up taking their own lives and ponder if is such burst of creativity they have cause such turmoil in their minds too. As one who has fought depression all my life I know I am most peace when creating – and lost when I am not.

    • Indeed I agree…it is such a cruel thing..and those sparks of genius on a manic high have a heavy counterweight…I always knew when my mum was heading for the down side..it really is such an under funded area of the health system..if only people knew the true cost..to the sufferers and those that love them and care for them..it is a beast and being creative is a way to calm the mind…it is where I get my therapy for sure..and all those talents lost to our world due to our lack of understanding and ability to give the sufferers answers…..you keep creating..and enjoying life..an I hope one day all the answers will be known ..hugs Bev xx

  3. What a beautifully written, from the heart post. Everyone suffers as a result of mental illness. You have taken such a healthy approach to it, thank you for sharing. It is beyond tragic when someone feels so alone, in the depths as Robin Williams and feels there is no other way. Hugs to you Bev, and thank you for your ever present humor and light. ❀

    • Thank you sweets for your kind words…it is a horrible disease and such stigma attached…poor souls killed as witches simply due to mental illness..back through time always such an ill informed view..and it has stuck…we may have become more aware of the nastiness of racism and other out dated ideas but this disease still is not treated as seriously as it should be..simply I think due to an inherent fear we all hold that we may lose our mind..and I cannot imagine how he must have felt..i hope I never do…and yet even as we chat here somewhere someone is feeling the same way….I hope he is at peace now..and that his friends and family forgive him…it was clearly an act of utter despair…hugs back to you sweets πŸ™‚ and thankyou ❀ ❀

  4. Beautiful post Bev. CH announced from his chair after we got home from an afternoon and dinner with his Mom that Robin Williams had taken his own life. I was/am incredibly sad but not shocked. I had read countless articles about how he was struggling. I know he is free of pain and fear now. I am a person that has struggled with anxiety and depression since my early twenties. It’s been hard on CH, but he has stayed with me. You call it “the beast” and that is exactly what I call it and I hate when it comes calling. I hunker down, go quiet, and life stops for me. My sense of funny and all hope leaves and I wait it out.

    So sad that you have “the beast” in your family. I think most families deal with it in some form. Both my parents suffered from depression and anxiety, and so too my Mom’s Mom.

    I so love and I mean really love your last sentence… “So every now and then ask that friend who always smiles always laughs and makes you feel uplifted if they are good..ask them how they are travelling..and listen to what you hear behind the smiles and jokes..” ~ because we never really know what someone else is dealing with in their life or where they are with respect to emotional pain.

    And, yes, Robin Williams rest in peace.

    • Thank you Pix for your lovely words too..i hate the damage this does..my father was a nasty man and di not help my mum..he himself I am sure has undiagnosed bipolar…so when mum left dad it spiralled…and has been a roller coaster ever since..my mum would nevre contemplate ending her life she is terrified of being punished by God…she has the religious mania with her illness..the sad thing is she is afraid to live too..people also don’t realise that some folks don’t willingly take their lives…they just become so ill they do not look before they cross a road or forget to protect themselves…I hate you have to deal with this..it is an all pervasive disease and more money needs to be spent on researching better solutions…we don’t even have some of the hospitals my mum was institutionalised in any more,these poor people are choking ER departments or are fending for themselves..my grandma left my mum very well off and even the best private hospital came up with the same things I have heard since I was young..Having to “ride out’ these bouts is so unfair..imagine the outrage if you had to ‘ride out’ diabetes…we all have our demons and sadly for some they take a very real form in the mind….huge hugs to you my sweets xxxx Bev ❀ ❀

    • Thank you for your kind words..indeed I am not surprised as I know he has suffered..and it must have just become unbearable…such a sad day…and yet the answers still elude us…hugs Fozziemum

      • One I commented how selfish suicide was and the person I was talking to said “but what must be going on to think that friends, family, the world would be a better place without you in it?”

        Suddenly I don’t see suicide as selfish, more heart-breakingly sad!

      • It is a very divisive issue…I think most people left behind would be angry and hurt..however there are those who as sad as they would be would most likely say they knew it was coming ..or they were relieved at least the person they loved was no longer suffering….if it was due t a hideous physical illness they would more readily say I am glad they are not suffering…with mental illness the assumption is cheer up and get on with it..and for these people they just can’t… I love my mum but there is a part of me..the honest part that will feel when mum does go that at last she will have peace..this has been over half a century she has had this battle…it is sad..so terribly sad ..

  5. Great post my friend. It was such horrible news to hear about Robin Williams when mommy got home last night from the worky place. The world can be such a cruel place and depression seems to take a backseat to other illnesses. It is real and very frightening. I’m so sorry for the family that was left behind… the hurt… the unknowing. And I’m so sorry for Robin Williams that he got to this point that everything was overwhelming and there was only one choice for him.
    And my loving friend Bev. I’m sorry you had to experience all that you did growing up. You are such a caring and remarkable woman. We can’t change the hurt we suffered as children but we can change and overcome how we live in adulthood ourselves. You don’t know how much you have touched my life here. Thank you my sweet pal! XOXO – June

    • Aww June you sweetheart..what lovely words you have for me πŸ™‚ I agree we are able to shift our lives to a more positive direction…I am not so much saddened by my childhood anymore…I learnt how to read people from a young age…a trait that as kept me safe and in good standing..i do miss that my mum and I will never have a normal relationship..but what is normal? it made me the mum and wife I am and has been the main reason I have found my affinity with nature and animals..grounding…honest nature:) and by blogging I am doing what my grandma always wanted me to do..write …she always laughed her head off when we chatted..i think she knew my humour was a mask for the life I had…and you my sweet friend are one of the lights in my life ..you make me smile and have opened your world up to me..and that is pretty special in world that is becoming increasingly hidden and mistrusting πŸ™‚ Thank YOU and love ya to the moon : ) xxxxx

  6. Much compassion and empathy to you and your family Bev! Yes, the world lost a great man yesterday. He was a local icon here, so really feeling his loss throughout the city.
    Julie and {BearHugs} from the pups

    • Thank you my sweets..i think you know my world and sadly so many do..he was one of my favourite Americans…and made me laugh and cry with his different works…he was a compassionate man as so many who have suffered are..and I know he is at peace now…the tormented mind is a cruel cruel thing…an invisible disease that is ruthless….huge hugs to you all too and hope that all is well in your world…love Bev and all the critters great an small here ❀ ❀ ❀

  7. A beautiful, moving, post Bev! I am so sorry to hear your story though, truely!
    I was so sad and shocked to hear the news last night. The way people react to news like this, I find, very telling. Those that cannot understand why and where he (and too many others) was coming from, do not and will never understand just how lucky they are.
    Loves to you!
    Hugs, Carrie and Pups x

    • Thank you Carrie…and yes unless you have lived with this or know someone who does it seems an alien concept to feel so low…I think the world has lost another wonderful soul with a mind that was both brilliant and tortured..we are lucky and should be more mindful of those who aren’t.
      Loves to you to Carrie xxxx

  8. Hello Bev. Thanks so much for sharing. You are one of the first that I have heard outside of my medical world that understands what a tortured world Robin must have had. Brilliance and Madness run hand in hand. The mind betrays us and it is so very sad. I have dealt with it in my own family and in my profession and like you I have learned to deal through humor and my love of the innocents we have been blessed with. I pray that he has peace now and his soul is at rest. You are amazing you know πŸ™‚ You will open many eyes and hearts with your wonderful post.

    • Kelly thank you..i feel for all those people who have no understanding of mental illness…we are all living with fragile minds..if only people knew that the chemicals in our minds are so complex that all it takes is one to go awry and the whole structure crumbles..my mum will never have peace I know this…she just has degrees of calmness ..and sadly we always wait for the boot to drop..an unmade bed for days…obsessing on her health..all signals..i have a girlfriend whose mum was the same …we could laugh about the things that we experienced together..knowing it came from a place of understanding not nastiness..and yes there are some pretty funny things that have happened..but also some terribly sad and upsetting things…I stand up to her Drs now..they have not experienced what we all have and unless you live with it you only know the text book version of the disease ..such a mine field…poor mum..and I wish the reference to Robin Williams drug and alcohol abuse would stop…the mental disease he had goes hand in hand with this..either the mania or the desperate need to hush the clatter in his mind…the abuse did not cause the disease..the disease caused the abuse…I hope he is at peace too..so damn sad..and thankyou I am not amazing I am just me….:) Loves BEV XX

    • Thank you so much for asking ..I am absolutely fine πŸ™‚ sad for Robin and his family that it ended this way..but I am really good..an hoping you too are happy in your world πŸ™‚ hugs Fozziemum

  9. Thank you for sharing some of your story Bev. I too had a Mother with serious mental illness that destroyed her & all of us & the entire family. Even tho she has been dead since 1991 I see her in my Sister & her daughter & the illness has somehow transferred over…My Brother is off in his own world also..the odd thing is my siblings are adopted & they act more like my Mother & Stepfather than I do…mind you I have gotten ALOT of counselling to relearn how to be a [oper person.
    I will not go into detail here but I will say I have tried to commit suicide twice at ages 19 & 27. I truly beleived the world would be better off without me. I forgot that my Father loved me & would be devastated. I forgot what my purpose was. I forgot who I was; indeed I did not really know…..
    I have battled Depression since I was 15 yrs old. I rarely talk about it. I hide behind my smile & my sardonic humour. When asked how I am I say “All right”.
    This year has been difficult as you know & I finally self referred for counselling. Had a hour long intake with my Counsellor (the one who counselled me after Kevin’s suicide) so I feel comfortable with the counsellor. Now I have to wait til Sept.29th to meet with him…so it is going to be One day At A Time for me.
    Robin Williams’ death will not be in vain in my Life. He has given me the courage to speak out. Thank you Robin for gracing us with all the years of laughter & serious roles too. Thank you for trying day after day. You will not be forgotten…Nanu Nanu sweet man…
    Love Sherri-Ellen x0x0x0

    • Sherri-Ellen thanks ..you are so not alone with this…indeed it can shatter families and this is the hidden side of mental health issues….when a family member has a problem so does the whole family…indeed the whole community..if it was approached with this in mind perhaps more could be done..

      It is the stigma..oh he/she is a nutter….it makes people so reluctant to seek help..
      Everyone has a life that is in part secret..and to assume we are laughing and happy at the same time is a real issue.

      People do not know…I for one as a teen abused more drugs and alcohol than I care to remember..an escape from my life..a poor choice but a mixed up teens choice..
      I was lucky…very lucky..Phil and I found each other and turned our lives around…
      We made a choice to not be victims to our families dysfuntion any longer…sadly Phil’s older brother did not make it out the other side..a heroin overdose killing him at the age of 39.
      I had battles with some really bad times..and hid it well..i would take the kids to school..come home clean the house and then crawl into bed with my beloved Merlin McTavish and sleep the day away..a dark place…
      I have no idea how I got out..i just did…I get morose every now and then..and I go outside and sit in nature..
      I have been lucky..and I admit fears that my mothers illness will visit me is always in the back of my mind…
      The view I have now is this…I am who I am ..I can only be who I am..happy sad grumpy is me..i am not perfect.and I take every day as it comes…I am glad yu reached out to someone..the world is an overwhelming place and we all need someone to listen to us..you know I love ya to bits…no matter how far away..Love Bev xx

  10. Oh Bev you have THAT so right. at 16 my Mother (who was seriously mentally ill but could pull off a fabulous act) had me declared mentally incompetent….I lived with that label for a very long time. Alot of terrible things were done to me by her & Stepfather & when I left home b4 I turned 18 I too turned to alcohol & drugs to ease my emotional & mental anguish. I also tried to work myself into oblivion. I had to get clean off everything & get intense counselling & that has helped 150% with my life in all ways. However the Depression has never left. Extreme stress (for me) triggers PTSD & Depression (as we have seen with the patio palaver/feral cats issue).
    Like you Nature helps soothe me. That is why the removal of that pine tree has knocked me for six! It meant alot to me.
    Like you also, I did not want to live in the shadow of my Mother’s mental illness. I did not want to be dysfunctional.
    Fort he most part I am good. Having self awareness helps. If things get to be ‘too much’ I retreat into my apartment with Nylablue & regroup.
    I am here for you also my dear friend. We ARE survivors! We have each other & so many others who love us…I wonder if that is the KEY?? HOLDING ON TO THE LOVE no matter how rotten or low we feel?? What do you think??
    Love Sherri-Ellen ❀ ❀

    • I feel for you as I know what damage can be done..all in the name of trying to find some peace..the only vice I held onto is cigarettes and despite countless efforts I have failed at giving up..i was having a ciggy one day at CWA outside and away from everyone and a lady came out an I said oh just me having a sneaky ciggy to which she replied oh I knew you were a smoker by your skin..i was so damn angry…I thought lady if you had the life I had you would be in the gutter…some peeps just don’t know when to shut up…and yes we do hold on to the love..no matter what…as hard as it can be at times πŸ™‚ Love Bev ❀ ❀ ❀

  11. Some people have no brain; they jsut say what comes to mind not realizing what they are saying. I have made a few faux pas’ but I have enough sense to apologize. Remember that woman had no clue of your past & just made a snap judgement on what she saw at that moment. It is the same with me being 35 lbs overweight. When people make a comment I just smile & say “At least I am not a raging drunk or dead!” That shuts them up πŸ˜‰
    Holding on to the Love is important. You know how I try with my Sister & the family? Well I have come to realize they are still damaged & they just cannot reciprocate so looking to them for support is like clinging ot a life raft with a gash in it…..LOL…i will go down with the raft & them if I hold on. So I have just let go. I have let go & grabbed back so many times (as you know); however this time I feel different. Call it resignation or acceptance…whatever it is, I feel calmer.
    My life is with Nylablue & she is my focus…& my mental health is my focus.
    Hold on no matter what; the alternative is far too permanent & devastating 😦
    Love Sherri-Ellen x0x0

    • Indeed your family sounds like where I was..i decided no amount of making xmas at my house beautiful with lovely meals was ever going to change them..most of them rude nasty..mean spirited..i said to Phil I am trying to fit a square family into a round hole…..and they were making me ill..migraines every day..day after day…guts in a knot..so I let go….and I have not looked back…I did it nicely told them they did nothing but take from me and never gave and that I was no longer going to play the dysfunctional family fun games..where they criticise behind false smiles ..they didn’t get it…of course they are ill….I do not look at it as losing a family I gained my self worth…and yes you hold on..because better days are there..i know they are..because my days have been better…so I have faith yours will too..i am off to beddies my darling..it is 1 am and I am mighty tired…you have a great day and keep that kitty girl close for snuggles πŸ™‚ love bev xx

  12. I am smiling at your description of Xmas at your place. My Sister goes wild at Xmas with the tree, ornaments, dinner, gifts on credit cards to make it all ‘perfect’. every year she & hubby would end up in arguement9s). She would freak out on my Niece or Nephew; twice on me & I went to my room & would not come out. As hubby was still there I asked him to take me home early. Then there was the ‘year of the alcohol’…2004….Everyone except wee ones & Myself were drinking & the rule had been no booze around me out of respect for my recovery. I did not go for 2 years for Xmas & they smartenedup. I see the pattern of my Mother trying to make things ‘perfect’ passed on to my Sister. It is her way or the Highway & I am weary of it all; physically & emotionally.
    I told my Sister calmly I can not find proper care for Nylablue & with her being on borrowed time I do not want to go away in case she gets too sick to rally. Not sure if she really understands. I am tired of always having to explain myself.
    There is still resentment over me moving away. Alot of silliness. It is 18+ yrs now; they all need to get over it!
    So I continue on. They have no clue about anything that has happened here since June….
    I know their lack of concern fuels my Depression. I try to just let it go…down deep it still hurts tho’.
    I am holding on! Nylablue needs me. I need me. I have alot of support & love & friendship. I want to be ehre!!!!
    Have a good sleep & sweet dreams πŸ™‚
    Love S-E ❀

    • Hey Bev not sure if you ever read my previous reply? Little did we know last August Nylablue would be gone in November. My family did not even say ‘sorry’ when I called them & they never invited me for Xmas. Thankfully I had Siddhartha Henry with me…it was a difficult holiday without my ‘Sweet Feet’ but I survived….
      It seems there is still a stigma having Depression>>like it is contagious…..
      Even my Counsellor had no clue what to say to me & he used to be hubby Kevin’s Counsellor & Kevin suffered from Depression & took his own life in 2003. I need a new Counsellor, lol….

  13. Oh my friend. Can you believe that I read this morning that it has been a year since we lost Robin Williams. It’s so hard that the time has flown by so fast. Have we as a society learned anything from his death? I would hope to say yes. I think in some ways, depression leading to suicide has come more to life. What do you think? XOXO – Bacon

    • Bacon my friend..i would like to think this horrid disease is more in the open..but all you need to do is read the paper to see another person has found it too hard to deal with.
      We all know sadness and gloom we all have felt that in some way..sadly some never climb out from it..it’s like quicksand…saving people when they first step in to that mire is paramount…i send my hugs to you my friend and hope today is a bright and happy one..much loves Fozziemum xx

  14. I think that we, as a culture, fall down very badly in so many areas. A free enterprise system of business is good, but when drug companies are driving health research, there is an inherent conflict. A drug company can secure a lucrative and long business future by researching and providing treatments for the many conditions that we are faced with. Researching and providing treatments is a positive step however, research into the causes of various ailments would be “suicide” to their business model. It is not in their interests to find the cause as that would undermine their whole business operation!

    Are various cancers (e.g.) caused by air pollutants (Automotive industry) or HF radio signals (Communications Industry) or magnetic fields around electrical transmission lines (Electricity Supplies) etc. etc. None of these industries will be receptive to major change unless confronted with hard proven facts (e.g. Cigarette Industry of not too long ago). As all these businesses have political affiliations, they will be supported.

    Politicians are driven by the voting public (at least until elected), but unless enough “noise” is made over these issues, they will never become a political item because none of the various parties would want to risk the quite likely end result. The only way that I can see anything likely to happen is if (e.g.) a sufficiently large proportion of a population make it clear that they want action in a certain area. If it becomes an election issue, then there is hope.

    • So well said! i have seen drug companies and their ways and have been living with the results of a certain companies miracle drug and yet still it is on the market…i have sat at so many meetings listening to garbage from specialists who i believe have perfect test rats in poor psych patients..i mean who is more easily drugged without any idea what is going on..so very sad…

  15. I missed this last year, not sure if I was following you yet. Excellent post and how brave of you to share your experiences with mental illness. I agree it is sad that we spend more money and time on things in space then on mental illness. I do think some drugs are needed, I wouldn’t leave the house without my Effexor now,I look at it like a diabetic would need insulin, my brain needs this. There should be a way to track though and be sure people aren’t mixing drug from different doctors.

    • Thankyou Ellen..i agree with the need for good meds..Mum has had them shuffled so many times and it has been awful..and the Dr shopping is frightening..now she has her meds given to her at home so no Dr shopping..and this is the longest she has been mentally well…but sadly we always wait for the crash..and when it happens we all sink into a hole..it sucks everyone down and is so sad to watch.I have had my ill of these Drs and when they keep changing diagnosis it really gets me mad..i have seen her pattern since i was young i and my sister know when she is about to spiral..but they insist all is well..i sadly think that so much rubbish that is out there about mental illness has made it such a stigma for people..as if they have failed somehow at being human…and it does make people less likely to talk about it.There is no shame in a broken bone and this is just a breakdown in chemicals. Plain and simple..not a curse or a weirdness ..just an illness..maybe Robin Williams has helped people realise that not all people who suffer are obviously ill..and that sometimes the life of the party is desperatley trying to stop from drowning in sadness..i hope your day is bright today and thankyou for your lovely words πŸ™‚ Bev xx

  16. Very touching FM Robin Williams walked a very thin line…humour that could quickly turn to depression. I remember seeing Robin for the first time on Mork and Mindy. His comicial side was out of control…that’s what most loved about him. At the time I couldn’t help but think if his comical side was so out of control…..what was he trying to hide or get rid of. No, I wasn’t clairvoyant. I had a lot of my own issues and could spot a desperate soul fairly easily. I also can relate to your mom, in my way of course. I am Epileptic and have had many grand mal seizures after getting this disease when I was 11. Many slices of my life are gone forever….I just don’t remember!
    I got married and had a loving relationship….my epilepsy calmed down as did my despair. I went back finished high school and went on to university and became a suicide counselor. It felt pretty good to help peeps through the most devastating times in their lives. We can make a HUGE difference.


    • HI Jean: During his “Mork & Mindy” days Robin used Cocaine. He went to rehab & turned himself around; however the Depression must have still been there. He was so ‘large as life’ in his movies that it was easy for the public to just see Robin as a happy comical gifted person. Maybe he wanted it that way? We will never know.
      When Robin died I called the Hospital to get into Counseling because I was feeling ‘on the edge’ here. Robin Williams quite possibly saved my life!
      ((hugs)) Sherri-Ellen

    • Jean well done..and yes you did not need to be anything other than swtiched on to the signs to see the mania within his work..poor sweet man..the mind does not care how much fame or money and i know he would have traded it all to live as a pauper but with a rested mind..huge hugs Bev xx

  17. Some day we will share with you our experiences (Nellie’s Daddy is Bi-polar-like Robin Williams), in the meantime, thanks for telling us part of your story and know that we send you LOTS of love and strength.

    • Nellie sweetie it is a horrid thing indeed…and affects so many people..my Mum is on a good long stretch of being well so far…i hope it continues..we can joke about it with her but we also know the pain….huge hugs to you all as well…it’s a battle many people share xxxx Fozziemum

      • Thanks! We have learned to laugh and to know that we have no control. And neither do they. And we have learned that nothing is serious, life is too short not to have fun and we laugh. (and sometimes we cry).

      • Same here sweets..some things that happen are just to funny..and maybe at the time stressful but we have been able to laugh when we look back…some people get super offended by it but the thing is it keeps YOU sane..and it is never done with a malicious heart..and cry..yes we do that too..many many tears and upsets..life is indeed too short..we need to find a balance ..understanding that the actions of our loved ones may not be always be nice but they cannot help it when their minds are in turmoil..Mum knows how i feel and we have talked long and hard about the effects over the years..she knows when she is unwell that i have to be distanced from her emotionally..and this way she gets the best treatment..i can only be told so many times i am going to be haunted by dead relatives before i need to say enough is enough . xxx

    • Jo thankyou..i can laugh about my childhood and teen years because i survived..i love my Mum and my life sure has not been boring..though i wish it had been some times! πŸ™‚ hugs to you my sweets Bev xx

  18. Having been raised in a comfortable, loving environment I have no experience of any of the things you have written about. I only lost my mum three years ago in her late 80’s. We grew up with dogs and I can never remember any time when we did not have at least one dog. I had a wonderful relationship with my dad and we went fishing, camping and hiking in the Scottish mountains together, When we came to Australia I got a dog and we have had dogs ever since. I truly do not know what it is like to experience some of the things you have written about nor do I honestly know anyone who has. Someone told me once that I had a sheltered life, which for many reasons, I don’t agree with. I don’t know what to say and I feel anything I do try to say would be inadequate. And since you are bound to ask, I did not have any brothers, but I had great sisters!

    • Edgar thankyou..i do think a lot of folk have similar problems..maybe they do not share,,makes for sombre reading and not always a topic talked about! My dog as a child was my best friend..and still today i find animals easier to understand..maybe my sense of helplessness as a child has made me empathise with animals..who often also have no voice..i am glad you had such a great childhood and a close family..it is so important..hubby and i have raised four amazing compassionate and talented children who as adults do us proud..we took our childhoods and made a better life for our kids from it..so all a valuable life lesson ..:)

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