Ok I know this is a far cry from the usual fluffy and vibrant repartee I have on this blog but seriously this is a topic that bears to be thrown into the spotlight.
The post menopausal sweatfest…there I said it out loud Menopausal..
Ladies you know you want to talk about it….guys well..heads up this could be a real life saver.
Remember the old sex education talks we had at school or more awkwardly with our mothers..well I don’t recall any mention of the ass end of your reproductive life, maybe a brief snippet or two but nothing in great detail…
I can only assume this is because the teachers or parents were of the opinion that by the time you had wrangled your way through puberty and stumbled into adulthood you would have enough grit to be able to deal with your crumbling mid life bodies and their wayward behaviours.
I was very lucky to hit puberty at 11 …what a joy to behold..
That’s okay I dealt with it and bravely faced my new body with all the enthusiasm of a trip to the dentist. I mean I was a woman???? at 11 …hmmm
So onward and upward and seemingly outward I went.
Yes the hormones raged I was an emotional time bomb…tick tick..but I survived.
I had my first baby at 21 ..knew everything as only a 21 year old can, and in a rapid fire succession had three more children by the time I was 26 ..the last two were twins ..oh yes I am a fertile little minx indeed.
The years flew by like mud through a straw really…my life was nappies babies toddlers the whole disaster, I loved it!
All this time my hormones kicked up..PMS or Positively Maniacal She-devil made regular monthly visits..my poor hubby must have wondered what I had done with his wife…I went into rages , over nothing , then would bawl my eyes out for hours.
I had cramps and periods so bad that more than one occasion we had to scurry home as I was in big trouble..it was humiliating and frustrating and never ending.
All this and raising four small kids it’s a wonder I am not penning this post from prison!
By the time I reached 38 I had had enough..my life was dictated to me by my hormones and it was time they were given the foot up the ass they deserved.
Off to the gyno I went..well bless him he was 100 if he was a day sported a stunning bowtie had a huge smile and straight away I knew he was the go to guy! the appointment was brief he discussed the options and after some tests we agreed on a Hysterectomy…all I could think of was finally with a general anaesthetic I am guaranteed a decent damn sleep for once.
The day arrived and my Uterus and I were prepped and ready to go..i asked him to give it a swift kick when he removed it..he said it probably would be frowned upon..what a guy!
The surgery went well, my Ovaries where left so I would not go through a premature Menopause and I was home in a week with orders to rest.
My surgeon did say it looked like my Uterus had had a hard life…no kidding!
Did I miss my Uterus? NO..i never felt better no more moody moments, headaches reduced a bit, no more exhausting periods..bliss.and I could wear white pants with a devil may care attitude!
And then …..after a brief non hormonal life and after all my kids left home and finally hubby and I could have a quiet life of self indulgence…the sweatfest started.
Out of the blue at the age of 51 ..all of a sudden I was hot..boiling hot nearly all the time. I usually whinge about the cold but no not now..i was wondering what the hell was happening..i mean it wasn’t a flush it was all over dripping heat!
I saw my new GP who being a male decided that a vitamin would help…ah..no..next pot luck guess…he put me on HRT which I was loathe to do as my mum has had Breast Cancer..didn’t do a thing…this went on for an eternity..i couldn’t talk to someone without sweating and flushing…I looked like a criminal being interviewed over a felony!
The cats were drawn to my thermo nuclear radiating heat which only added to the sweating…no offence girls but you need to leave me the hell alone i’m melting here!
The final straw was one night where I got no sleep and I mean none, I was up peeing and sweating all night. Next day I just broke down in tears I was exhausted..i made an appointment with another Dr.
This time he did blood tests to rule out all sorts of things and hormone tests..came back I had already gone through Menopause a long time ago..well I didn’t know it when it happened so what’s with this part of the hormone journey! like I said I don’t recall this being in the ‘know your body’ chats!
He referred me to a gyno…all the personality of a piece of dried toast..and yes more HRT …a month of these and I was ready to take this guy out! it just made it much much worse.
I was supposed to go back and I never did.
I am sure that there is an assumption that pretty much after 50 who cares..deal with it but honestly ladies you know what I mean..and you might never talk about it to anyone, there has always been some weird stigma attached to menopause or post menopause..almost like it’s the opposite of the pride you were supposed to feel at hitting puberty and becoming a ‘woman’.
Granted a millennia ago we would have been eaten by a mountain lion by the time we reached about 25 so I suppose our new longevity poses problems..i suppose we can be grateful girls that we aren’t made to leave the tribe!
The sad thing is at this age we are at our best, we know what we want,we have our lives back from the clutches of little hands, and yet we are deemed not worthy of the best quality of life because it’s ‘just’ hormones.
I am typing this at 2.30 am…because I know when I get into bed it will be sweatfest 2014..flipping the pillow all night..bedcovers off/on off/on..it really does your tiny mind in!
I look at older women differently now..i always had respect but now it’s a new respect..these woman get to their 70’s and 80’s and all I can think is how did you do it…how did you get through this unspoken of pain in the ass phase of life…
I flick my slippers off..for the umpteenth time and whip off my dressing gown and fling it on the ground ..again..i seem to leave a trail of clothes behind me all the time now..i think I have a pimple coming up too which is awesome because it’s the one thing I missed out on during puberty…goody thought I had been forgotten by the Zit hormone..oh well I suppose at least it will be well hidden by the moustache I seem to be growing…