That leap into the unknown

So the New Year is upon us all and of course we tend to want to shake things up a bit.
I have been tossing some things around in my head and also with hubby about what I would like to do this year.
When my family gave me my camera for my 50th birthday I found myself all of a sudden in a state of renewed energy.

I don’t think they understand just how profound this gift was to me.
You see I have no trade or skills as such..i am a mum..it was and is my job, an unpaid and not really certificate worthy position.
My life since i was 21 has been about raising children to be well adjusted, happy and caring humans..and with great pride I can say I succeeded..they have all become adults I can be proud of.

In the process I lost myself..i found I was a wonderful cook..and not much I cannot do in the kitchen..i have so many cookbooks that it is almost bordering on obsession.
I can sew and I taught myself to knit and crochet and learnt all I could about gardening and growing vegetables..i have renovated decorated and designed.

So why all of a sudden do I find that I have not really picked up a cookbook for a long long time…
I have not had the urge to bake or bottle..i have still been gardening and to have a veggie garden again after so many years is wonderful..yet my heart is really pulling me elsewhere.

When I was given my camera I was given the gift of nature..i headed back out to what gave me solace as a child..
The world and her beauty, the animals the flora the landscapes.
I found a world of amazement was mine again..all it cost was time and patience and being in the right place at the right time.

The last 3 years I have climbed trees again..crawled on the ground..jumped fences..hidden in the bush and waited…I have found my inner child again and I know what I need to do.

You see I love to share what I see..i love that feeling of turning to people through my pictures and saying “Did you see that!”
I want people to be with me..and to feel the joy I feel.

I am no professional and I have no qualifications.I am not educated in the ways of Photography and I am still learning as I go, I have my battles with lighting and settings and more often than not I surprise myself at what images I get.

And so I procrastinate ..I want to do something that appeals to people and makes me a little cash..i have not worked for many years due to my health and this is one thing I can do that I can moderate according to how my body is behaving.
I procrastinate as there are far more talented people than I.
I procrastinate because even thinking like this has me feeling like a ‘fake’ not a real pro.
I procrastinate because basically I have not much faith in my ability to sell myself or my pictures.

The thing is I feel like I have to..i feel the need to not waste these images I have been so lucky to get, seems such a shame that they sit in my files and apart from posting them on blogs they do not see the light of day.
And so I am taking a leap into the unknown..i am asking for suggestions as to what would be a way to share these images.
What appeals to people ,what they would appreciate..urghhhh I put myself at everyone’s mercy.
I know I am wanting to work on a book for my nephew and niece and grandson.That is in the works.

So feel free to give me your thoughts..i take criticism well.. be honest I need some help as I am totally stuck at the moment!

I am off to go through some pics.i have files everywhere and they need some sorting!
I leave you with some recent adventures!

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Seeing Joy in the New Year

Hi everyone, I have not posted on this blog for awhile..i kind of realised when I saw the WordPress report 🙂 less than flattering!

I wanted to share a day at the beach when we were away on holidays.
I was watching this family as they were in the water ..you see this part of our country is beautiful but what you may not know is that up this far from about November until May the water can have dangerous little jellyfish called Irukandji..they are as small as the head of a match and they sting! so badly some people die..so the beaches are either monitored and checked hourly by Surf lifesavers or you wear a stinger suit.
Vinegar is at all swimming areas for application if stung, but it is best to either suit up or swim within the monitored areas.
The water up this far can also have crocodiles..salties as we call them and there is no suit for that!
The water this day was 29C ..hardly cool but still refreshing with the movement and if you swam out a bit it was cooler.
So we had been for a swim and were watching the people in the water.

This scene I thought was beautiful..perhaps a first time swim in these waters and maybe a bit of apprehension, but this family held hands and braved the incoming waves.
To see the anticipation change to joy was wonderful..a family having a wonderful experience together at Christmas maybe far far from home but together they were all having what seemed to be a lot of fun.
I hope you get as much joy seeing their faces as I did..
This year maybe we all need to hold someones hand and help them brave a new experience!

Indian-summer

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When the laughs stop

So the horrid beast of depression has taken another wonderful soul..such sadness ..such loss for the loved ones left behind..

I cannot imagine a human who at some point has not felt the cloud of depression like an overcoat of gloom..the sense of never seeing another joyous moment ..or a time when the mind is free from turmoil.

The great tragedy is we know more of the solar system and depths of the ocean than we do our own Psyche..so why is funding for research into this field always in short supply..and I mean worldwide.

I have grown up with a parent whose entire life from adolescence onwards has been a series of deep depressions…psychoses..hospitals..drugs…delusions..misdiagnosis…on and on..

I and my siblings were born into world of confusion and pain..we have fractured relationships with each other..in fact only one sister and I have a loving relationship…mental health has a devastating ripple effect..on all.

I have sat in meetings and consults with teams of Psychiatrists..Psychologists..care givers..Doctors..and honestly..they are offering no different help than when I was 16 and asking why they had given my mother shock treatment…I can tell them more about her condition than they know.

This is not arrogance this is coming from watching as she cycles..manic highs when she becomes rude cruel and paranoid to the low cycle when bang she can be catatonic.

Now imagine HER world..imagine living with this disease that has caused so much pain to her children her parents her siblings..imagine not knowing if one day you will not come back from that world of horror..

The drugs may help..but then that can change…as you age your body chemistry changes and so the levels need adjusting…my sister and i dread when they change mums meds..will she be compliant? will she Dr shop? why is there no register to allow Dr’s to see when she does..

I cannot honestly remember a time I had a proper mum..the moments were fleeting..she could not help this.

Mum has lost giant parts of her memory due to the shock treatments and chemical cocktails she has endured.Sadly this loss of memory has made her easily a target for those in my family that would seek to use her for things I will not go into here.

Yes the ripples run deep..i have a good relationship with my mum when she is well..when she is sick I relate to her on a business level..self preservation kicks in..i have been out on my own since 16 and have learnt to protect myself.

This horrible disease..this beast of a thing has robbed us of a mum,has taken a woman who was a talented painter and left behind a woman who even on anti psychotics has never had a quiet mind ..ever..

Mum hears things she has never told anyone..she fears everything..she is indeed a victim without a physical deformity to show for it..her pain and disease is silent…

I have had my moments..i have had times when I have been pretty low..and it is hard..hard to sometimes be happy in order to make others around you feel better.

I have always had a side to my personality that I know to be darker..the side that sometimes would like to curl up in bed and be left alone..i think all people feel this at times.

I have dealt with the life I was given by turning my sadness and hurt into humour, and yes I have had people say they thought I never had a down moment..or I never had a serious side.

Humour can be an armour..if you make people feel better then maybe you yourself will.

Today a beautiful man who was funny caring and charity minded took his life..his family and friends have probably known this was coming..they would have seen his ‘Dark night of the soul’ but comforting words and a hug are just not enough for some..when the pain fear and dread become all encompassing..when even the hurt you know you will cause by your actions are not enough to keep you in the pain you live with.

All I can say is how truly sad that a man such as Robin Williams..whose sense of fun humour and joy was a gift could not find for himself that same joy.

And I hope he finds the peace that his poor mind could not give him.

So every now and then ask that friend who always smiles always laughs and makes you feel uplifted if they are good..ask them how they are travelling..and listen to what you hear behind the smiles and jokes..

Robin Willaims R.I.P. a true loss of joy and laughter to a world that needs it so badly.

Whimsical Winter

It is a surprise to some people in the Northern Hemisphere that we get cold down here in Australia..like the Northern countries we do get Winters..oh we don’t all have to wrangle snow to get out of our houses but we do get snow..and this season has seen huge dumps both in Victoria in our Alpine regions and also New South Wales..where I am situated it’s quite a drive to get to snowman making quantities of snow..the nearest mountain is only about 20 minutes away and I went there during the week and managed to enjoy a very light flurry of snow in very very blustery weather..it was divine…I love the snow..i love making snow angels and toboganning ..
This week has seen snow fall where it hasn’t before and the frosty mornings have been stunning (albeit a tad dangerous with my fall and all) this morning was -3C here.
To look out the glass doors and see the gossamer of winter covering the ground is somehow grounding..i think it’s the freshness..Summer is always somehow dusty and needing a good clean!
I am sad that so many plants are now frost bitten..the Jacaranda is burnt and the salvias finally gave up..after suffering all summer and now this they just let go..they may spring back..i don’t know..i do know that when I went out ..in correct footwear this time! that I spotted an iris…daring to rise above the frozen tundra and start to show it’s colors…the cycle is starting again….so here are some pictures of my whimsical winters day..i hope you like them ..









Gingermint struggling in the winter chill

Gingermint struggling in the winter chill



Beep beep boop…what’s the scoop…??

Seems every time I turn around something is changing in social media..thing is it is much more social to tell you before you change something….I mean some of us have a new phone we are trying to wrassle with…a facebook page that we can’t get into because we can’t remember the password and the computer is new so the old email addie has not been set up and still Windows 8 was just a nightmare and has left an air of confusion to all email accounts…and the thought of setting up another vestibule for lost and bounced back emails is not appealing…at all..some blogs are getting harder to find on other forums unless you sign up solely by email..which considering what I just said about bounced back…thrown out..misplaced emails is not an option…so you troll like a loon ..flicking from WP to blogger to bloglovin to facebake to instagram to google + and end up with technology disease..todays version of industrial disease which I only ever knew of as a line in a song..see tells my age so most likely explains my lack of speed in catching up with the changes that happen so quickly in anti social unsociable social media circles..which by the way is what I am doing ..going in circles…so imagine my joy at my reader not updating…then instead of just taking me back to where I was after I try and make a social call on a fellow blogger it takes me back to the top of the reader where it’s ok because nothing has updated…except this random little pencil logo which has appeared..bizarre a pencil in this day and age..an actual pencil..so with trepidation that if I hit it..(with the cursor not another pencil) it will transport me to another dimension of sociality that I just HAVE to commit to..i reach out and there it is …little animated circles…usually indicating a malfunction..and BEEP BEEP BOOP…What the..as they say in the classiest social circles now….and here I am ..no closer to the reason I am having issues..but again..magically excited…I need a vacation…I need to be more sociable…before I lose my abilty to actually form a word with my mouth..gotta go …think someone might be poking me on Facebake…and I have a selfie scheduled…

Anticipation

There is always a chance something may fall off a plate…we don’t have to know WHAT it is..just that it is…and this not knowing what is going to fall or if it is going to fall is part of the joy of anticipation..dogs know this only to well……….

Forrest and his dad

Forrest and his dad